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Let’s face it; teenagers do some really bone-headed things. Don’t be shocked when your child, who’s never caused any trouble and always seemed so level-headed…suddenly seems to be vying for the lead in the next Jackass movie.

There’s a good reason for all this. Let me tell you what’s going on. Stay with me.

In the last episode – episode 3 – I talked about the changes that happen in the adolescent brain from puberty to somewhere around the mid-20’s and how those changes impact our kids’ thoughts, emotions and behavior.

Specifically, we talked about how the prefrontal cortex is still being programmed and how that hampers a teen or tween’s ability to make good decisions and use self-control…and how the adolescent amygdala is supercharged, makes lots of mistakes and causes teens lots of issues with their emotions – and the prefrontal cortex is just not very helpful to them much of the time.

If you haven’t listened to that episode, I highly recommend you listen to it before listening to this episode 4 – it will give you the background to better understand what I’ll talk about here.

So, the amygdala is not the only part of the adolescent brain that’s supercharged and messes with their thoughts, emotions, and behavior.

The reward system presents its own unique set of problems.

The reward system is a combination of several brain structures connected by a neural pathway (remember the floating trees we talked about in episode 3) and it’s responsible for motivating and reinforcing behaviors we find pleasurable – in other words, a reward of some kind (like sugar, applause drugs, praise, alcohol, sex, likes on social media).

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that flows along this pathway and appears to be the reason we seek out something pleasurable (although it is not responsible for the pleasurable feeling itself).

During adolescence there’s a major increase in dopamine floating around in the prefrontal cortex.

This overabundance of dopamine causes an adolescent to be hyper sensitive and drawn to any potentially pleasurable experience (something fun, exciting, new, or different…)

And it makes these experiences even more pleasurable than at any other point in one’s lifetime.

So, adolescents are wired to seek out these rewarding and often risky experiences.

There’s an evolutionary reason for this increase in “reward seeking” during adolescence.

It helps our kid separate from us, it nudges them along, helps them get out into the world and socialize, experience new things, and move closer and closer towards their independence.

That’s what we see when kids hit puberty and start wanting to hang out with friends more than us – it hurts but it’s necessary (unless we want them to be living in the basement at 35).

The super sensitive reward system (and all that dopamine) is what drives adolescents to join youth groups or community service organizations, go on ski trips, study hard, play team sports, act in the school play.

All things that provide a reward of one kind or another…whether it’s appreciation, applause, acceptance from their peers, friendship, or praise from us.

Rewards like these are normally considered positive.

Unfortunately, the reward system also causes kids engage in behaviors that aren’t so great (like endless hours of gaming, eating too much sugar, continuous social media scrolling).

And even behaviors that are downright dangerous (like driving too fast, drinking alcohol, experimenting with drugs, vaping, having sex, talking to strangers online, jumping in the car with someone who’s been drinking)

So, you can see how a weak prefrontal cortex, that isn’t much help with self-control and making good decisions, combined with a super hyped up reward system, can cause major issues for our teen or tween.

And there’s more.

What our kids think of themselves…their sense of self…has a big impact on their risk-taking behavior.

We begin developing a sense of self gradually from birth. We steadily become more self-aware throughout childhood

And by puberty, self-awareness jumps to new heights.

When puberty hits, kids suddenly develop major feelings of self-consciousness and embarrassment, which completely rules all their social interaction.

It can literally even cause them to change their behavior as if their peers are watching even when they’re not…and this is phenomenon sticks around at least until they’re about 14.

(That’s why we get lots of eye rolls and refusal to do things even when no one else is around.)

Most of what they feel at this age, about almost everything, depends on how they think their peers see them. They’re consumed by it -

Constantly comparing themselves to classmates, friends, siblings…even celebrities. And we’re not even talking about how social media feeds into this and blows it up.

And the thing is, they also become keenly aware that their peers are doing the same thing; judging and comparing themselves to them…and it matters, a lot.

Studies have continually shown that teens’ and tweens’ deep need for acceptance from peers is decisive not only in forming a sense of self, but in influencing the type and level of risk-taking and decision-making they engage in.

Peers’ opinions are so important that teens will automatically do something with them or in front of them, if they think it will elevate them socially…no external pressure from peers required

Here’s what’s going on in the brain that causes all this.

Scientists believe that a specific region of the prefrontal cortex (the medial prefrontal cortex) serves a distinctly separate purpose by networking with a handful of other brain regions to focus on social interaction and information – a sort of social system.

The neural circuits of this social system happen to overlap with those of the reward system.

This overlap is what makes peers so important when it comes to participating in risky, rewarding behavior.

In fact, researchers believe that receiving that acceptance and positive feedback from peers is treated by the reward system in roughly the same way as using drugs and alcohol - I mean, wow.

This even means that teens are more likely to engage risky behaviors they know or think their peers engage in. If they think everyone else is using drugs or having sex, they’re simply more likely to do it too (even if everyone else isn’t actually doing it).

All of this is not to say that kids blindly jump into something without thinking at all.

As a matter of fact, some research shows that when they’re with or in front of peers, they may weigh the risk of doing something “risky”, and despite being right about the probability of something going wrong, they decide to do it anyway - because, in their mind, the benefit of the reward simply outweighs the risk.

This is truly the opposite of impulsivity – it’s a calculated risk.

The bottom line is that most risky teenage behavior happens with or in front of other kids, in the heat of the moment.

Trouble is just more likely when teens are in groups – drinking, drugs, theft, vandalism don’t usually happen when kids are alone - they’re almost always with friends.  This is even more true for boys than girls.

There’s one well-known study from 2011 that clearly showed how much more willing teens are to do riskier or more dangerous things when other kids their age, are around.

The scientists used fMRI technology to actually see the reward system activating during the experiment.

They compared the activation of the reward system while observing risk-taking behavior in both teenagers and adults using a simulated driving game.

The goal of this driving game – like all driving games I guess - was to get to the finish line as quickly as possible - and there was a cash reward for finishing.

And the faster their time, the more money they received.

The catch was, there were stop lights along this simulated course.

The subjects (both teens and adults) could choose to stop at the lights or just ignore them.

Of course, if they ignored them, there were other cars that might crash into them, but they might also finish faster…which would increase the cash prize they would get – but if they crashed - they were out – they wouldn’t finish at all.

They examined both the adults and the teens playing the game alone and then while they were being watched by peers – adults watching the adult subjects and teens watching the teenage subjects.

You can probably guess what they found.

Not only were the teenagers’ reward systems much more active when they knew their peers were watching …but they also totally ignored the stop lights to finish faster for the bigger cash reward.

The same was not true for the adults – their reward systems were not more activated with their peers watching and it made absolutely no difference in the way they played the game.

The surprising thing to me is that the teens took no more risks than the adults when they were not being watched by their peers. They were just as cautious as the adults.

The year after this experiment the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety basically confirmed what the experiment showed.

The AAA examined data from 2007 through 2010 to determine the statistical risk of car crash fatalities and police-reported car crashes, per mile, for 16 and 17-year-old drivers.

The study found, compared to driving without passengers, the teen drivers’ risk of death increased:

• by a whopping 44% with one passenger under age 21 in the car;
• doubled with two passengers under 21
• and quadrupled with three or more passengers under 21.

On the other hand, when 16 and 17-year-old drivers had a passenger age 35 or older… there was a 62% decrease in the risk of death to the driver and a 46% decrease in police-reported crashes.

Neither of these studies should come as a surprise

We know this in our gut; teens really shouldn’t drive with other teens in the car. This is but one of the many risks facing our teens.

Almost 30% of teens have had at least one drink of alcohol by age 15 .

And teen use of marijuana is the highest it has been in 30 years. As a matter of fact, kids today are more likely to use marijuana than tobacco.

Risky behavior is why accidents are the leading cause of death for adolescents in the US.

But accidents aren’t the only downside to a teen’s super sensitive reward system

They’re also much more vulnerable to addiction or addiction-like behavior.

Even things that seem relatively innocuous like playing video games of course, posting on social media, watching YouTube videos, scrolling Instagram, Snapchat…all can trigger the reward system and lead to behavioral issues.

A 2018 study indicated that both giving “likes” and receiving “likes” on social media engages the rewards system.

So, what do we do about all this reward-seeking and risky behavior?

We educate them about the dangers, give them the statistics and teach them why they should modify their behavior, right?

Sounds reasonable – but nooo.

There’s a ton of evidence proving that knowing and understanding the consequences of risky behavior does nothing to stop a teen’s reward-seeking.

Here’s the thing – the research tells us that when teenagers are not in the heat of the moment (not around their peers and presented with some rewarding experience), they’re as capable as adults to make reasoned decisions and control their impulses.

For example, one study found that 14-year-olds answered the same as any reasonable adult when asked whether certain activities were risky.

They know what is and is not risky and what they should do in risky situations.

However, we know when teens are with friends and the reward system is activated, either their prefrontal cortex is generally not strong enough to stop them from engaging in risky behaviors…or they calculate the risk and determine the reward is worth it.

So, knowledge is clearly not the problem.

That’s at least one reason traditional education-based prevention programs don’t work to stop risky teen behaviors like substance use, reckless driving, and sex.

Research has shown over and over again that such programs are totally ineffective and that some even increase risky behavior.

So, if education doesn’t work, what does?

What seems to help most is changing the rules to protect teens from themselves.

Studies show things like a) more adult supervised afterschool programs b) later start times for school c) fewer liquor stores packed together in an area, d) raising the age limit for buying nicotine products e) imposing graduated driver’s licenses and restricting teen passengers

But what else can we, as parents do to insure our kid not only avoids becoming a statistic but protects their mental health and gives them the tools to do well in life?

The research says teaching teens emotional intelligence skills like emotional awareness and regulation and other personal skills like self-esteem, and assertiveness.

These are the skills they can use in the heat of the moment to keep themselves out of trouble.

There’s little doubt that teens with stronger social and emotional skills, like being aware of the emotions they’re feeling in the moment, and being able to regulate those emotions appropriately, understanding other people’s emotions, being persistent, confident, and assertive - they’re much more resilient and better equipped to handle all types of challenges.

That’s what will save them when they’re out with friends and someone says, “hey, let’s go drag race over the bridge” or “I’ll be you can’t jump from this roof to that roof”.

We can’t be there right beside them to help them use self-control and make good decisions - their prefrontal cortex is not much help either.

Lecturing them about the dangers of drinking and smoking weed and driving fast…saying “be careful” as they’re headed out the door…even Life 360 and all the parental controls in the world - they just don’t help

We must make good use of what we know about adolescent neurobiology and the scientific research that gives us direction.

Laws need to change at the state and local level, middle and high schools need to get on board to incorporate social and emotional learning and ditch traditional prevention programs.

Give kids that don’t play sports an opportunity for afterschool programs to keep them occupied.

And, for us parents, we must keep a strong connection to our teens. It’s really easy to allow that gap to widen – to let them push us away – to get our feelings hurt and take their behavior as a personal affront.

Noooo – we’ve got to hang in there with them – listen to them, give them lots of love – especially when their being asshole teenagers.

Maintaining our connection with them is the best hope we have for staying influential in their lives - keeping our voice in their head.

In the heat of the moment, when everyone else is yelling “do it, do it, do it” – we want them to hear “I love you and I know it’s hard to be the odd man out or take a stand, but you know you can text me anytime and I’ll be your excuse, I’ll come get you anytime, anywhere – no questions – no consequences – you can do it”.